


Broken

by Sanalith



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Broken, Episode 2x01, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 11:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanalith/pseuds/Sanalith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The missing scene between Belle leaving the pawnshop after learning of Rumpelstiltskin's lie and her return, plus a little extra on both ends. One of (I'm sure) many fix-it fics based on the season two premier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

Belle knew it wasn’t polite to eavesdrop, and it wasn’t as though she intended to. But she was so curious about this new land in which she found herself, and she’d been hoping - oh, just the _smallest_ hope! - that perhaps these people were Rum’s friends, that he’d invited them over so she could meet them and make some friends of her own. But then the shouting and accusations began, and she’d been forced to admit that, in whatever form he found himself, her Rumpelstiltskin was not an easy man to like, much less love.

She forced herself to listen with only half an ear, trying to distract herself with objects in the back room until they left, but then the wind whipped itself into a frenzy and the voices raised in order to be heard over the storm...

...and she quite clearly heard Rumpelstiltskin damn himself.

“My gift to you,” he’d said, almost mockingly. “This will take care of Regina.”

Belle wanted to weep. 

He’d changed, she’d been sure of it! He’d openly admitted he loved her. He’d accepted, invited, _returned_ her kiss. He’d looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

And he lied to her.

She forced herself to wait until his trio of guests left. A part of her wanted to run after them, offer herself and her services to help right his wrongs. It sounded like the brave thing to do. But she found she couldn’t leave him...not just yet...and if that was a weakness, then so be it.

Rumpelstiltskin looked up as she slipped out of the back room, his hard face softening immediately. Such an open sign of affection only made her heart hurt more. He truly did love her, and that made it _so_ much harder!

“So...you lied to me,” she said steadily, holding his eyes with hers. “About Regina. You lied.”

For one brief moment, she saw his face fall and fear flickered behind his eyes. But then a mask went up and he shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was firm, though there seemed to be the tiniest amount of pleading behind his words. “No. No, I kept my word. I will not kill her.”

“But sending this...this _creature_ to do it is the same thing!” she protested. “It’s all semantics! You toy with words like you do people. You’re still a man who makes wrong choices.” Her eyes grew wet as tears threatened to fall. “I thought you’d changed,” she whispered.

His expression hardened. “What, in the hour that you’ve known me?” he demanded harshly.

And in that moment, for the first time ever, she looked at him and saw something truly ugly in his face.

Her heart broken, her throat aching from holding back tears, Belle lowered her eyes and simply walked out. She heard him calling after her, and for one moment, his true and seemingly heartfelt apology gave her pause.

Rumpelstiltskin did not say he was sorry. Ever.

But it was too little, too late. She was suffocating, and if she didn’t get out now, she was afraid she’d never be able to breathe again.

Giving him one last glance, Belle shook her head and plunged out into the storm.

**************

Belle clutched her arms around herself, trying to keep warm, as she huddled under the awning of an empty shop to wait for the wind to pass. Now that she was out and away, she was forced to admit she didn’t really know what to do or where to go. She didn’t know her way around town, small though it was, and she hadn’t yet seen or heard of anyone she knew. She supposed her father had to be here somewhere, but she hadn’t the first clue where to search for him. 

If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t really want to talk with anyone, anyway. If she did, she’d have to explain where she’d been for the past 28 years - and who she was to Rumpelstiltskin - and she wasn’t in the mood to have that conversation just yet.

When the storm finally ended as abruptly as it began, Belle pushed herself away from the wall, and simply began walking. The street lights re-lit themselves, as though they somehow knew whatever darkness had passed was over, so her way was clear and bright. 

So she waked. And she thought.

Rumpelstiltskin was right, he had kept his word to the letter. The Dark One need never lie, not when he could make words dance on strings like those horrid puppets he still kept in his shop. But he’d betrayed his promise to her, in spirit if not in actual deed. She’d begged him not to take revenge and he’d done it anyway. The question was why. Why could he not have told her? Why couldn’t he have shown her his pain, his anger, and let her truly calm it? Why go behind her back? This couldn’t be the actions of a man who was in love with her.

_~But he’s not a man,~_ she reminded herself. _~He’s never pretended to be. He’s a monster. I’m the one who keeps insisting he’s something that he’s not.~_

The thought gave her pause.

If she was being honest, she’d never been able to force herself to see him as a true monster, a beast with no heart or soul. Whatever happened to him in the past, however he saw himself now, there was still a good man behind the impish exterior he presented to the world. But she herself had admitted to Regina - oh so many lifetimes ago! - that something evil had taken root in him, and to simply ignore that evil was to ignore an integral part of him.

She recalled with a shiver his absolute rage when he’d believed she was using True Love’s Kiss to strip him of his powers. It wasn’t until much, much later, huddled in the queen’s dungeon, when she’d truly understood how utterly and completely he believed she’d betrayed him. While her intentions had been pure and good, and she’d only wanted to free him from what she’d seen as a terrible curse, the fact remained that she’d tried to change him for her own reasons. She’d never asked if he wanted to be free of it, if it was the burden she thought it was. She’d made the decision all on her own, and now...was she doing the same thing again?

_~”I thought you’d changed!”~_ She’d thrown the phrase at him like a knife, and he’d lashed out like a wounded and cornered animal. 

And he was right.

She had no more right to expect him to change now than she had back in the Dark Castle, and it was wrong of her to try. True Love didn’t change someone, it loved despite - or perhaps even because of - faults and darkness and, yes, evil. 

And she _did_ love him, so very much. And he’d finally admitted that he loved her, too. She considered for a brief moment that he’d lied about that as well, but to what purpose? Besides, that kiss they’d shared at the well...Belle felt a pleasant tingling low in her belly. No, that kiss could not have been a lie. It was harsh and messy and desperate, the kiss of a man who thought he’d lost everything. That kiss had been true.

So. She loved him and he loved her. And really, everything came down to this. With or without magic, the man she loved was still the Dark One, and despite his love for her, he would continue to do things she’d never agree with. She could use their time together to remind him of his humanity, to draw out the goodness she knew still lingered in his heart, but until HE chose to change of his own free will, she’d have to live with his darkness. And he might never chose to give it up. She had to acknowledge that as well.

Could she still love him, truly and completely, despite all this? Could she stand by him, trust him, accept him as he was, without trying to change him? 

Could she finally admit that a part of him _was_ a beast? 

And that was the crux of it right there, wasn’t it? It was easy to say she loved him, but did she love _all_ of him, or just the man she knew he still was deep down inside? For this to work, she had to accept him in his entirety, the dark and the light. She had to love not only Rumpelstiltskin the man, but the Dark One, the Spinner, the Deal Maker, the Imp. Even this new persona, the enigmatic Pawnbroker who knew everyone’s secrets and exploited them to his best advantage. All these faces were _him_ , and if she couldn’t embrace them all, she had no business claiming she was his True Love.

Belle finally allowed the tears to fall, and her entire body shook with emotion. She’d never asked for any of this, but she’d started down this road and it was time to start dealing with the consequences. She might have been wrong to attempt to change him, in both worlds, but he’d been wrong to push her away back then and he’d been wrong to lie to her now. There had to be trust between them no matter what, and for that to happen, he had to stop jumping to conclusions about her motivations, and she’d insist on honest truth between them from here on, no matter how painful.But it was time to stop seeing herself as a victim. She was a strong, brave woman, and the man she loved needed her.

Being with him would always be difficult, but True Love was never meant to be easy, and Belle was nothing if not a fighter. No one chose her fate but her, and it was time to choose, once and for all.

Of course, she thought with the tiniest of laughs, the tears still slipping down her cheeks, when she got right down to it, the choice was really was no choice at all.

**********

Belle wasn’t exactly sure what she’d find when she return to the pawnshop. She had a brief moment of panic - what if he wasn’t there? She’d have no idea where to even begin looking for him! - but of all the scenarios she considered, the one that met her hadn’t even crossed her mind.

And if she’d had any doubt that returning was the right thing to do, the sight that greeted her banished them completely.

Rumpelstiltskin sat as his great wheel, his eyes locked on the rhythmic spinning. He’d always looked a trifle imposing when he’d spun in the Dark Castle, a mythical figure at his most prized possession, magic sparking from his very fingertips. But no gold glittered here. He spun only humble wool, and he looked...smaller somehow. Alone. _Broken._

_~“I like to watch the wheel. It helps me forget.”~_

Her heart was given in that very moment.

They’d work this out. They would. They’d sit down and, for the first time, have a real, honest to goodness talk. She knew the very thought of bearing his heart frightened him, but she’d prove that he could trust her, that she’d take his secrets and wrap them up carefully, keeping them close to her very soul. They’d have honesty between them, no matter what the cost, and from there, everything else would come.

When she softly greeted him, he looked up at her with those same eyes she remembered from the Dark Castle, and she felt her lip tremble.

“I...I went for a walk,” she said, rather inanely, but at least it was something to break the ice.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me,” he said softly, rising from the wheel and looking at her as though he couldn’t quite believe she was there.

_~“Why did you come back?”~_

“I didn’t” she admitted, stepping forward. “But I was worried...”

_~“I wasn’t going to...but something changed my mind.~”_

“Well.” He looked back down at the wheel. “The beast is gone. Regina...lives.”

Belle felt some of the tension leave her shoulders, though a part of her felt guilty for such relief. “So...you didn’t get what you wanted.”

He hesitated, and when he spoke again, his burr was thicker than she’d heard yet in this world. “That remains to be seen.”

They stood in silence for a moment, almost awkward, both struggling to find the right words when it was clear the wrong ones could flay them alive. Belle finally decided to focus on a topic she’d been meaning to broach since she’d come to the shop, giving herself a few extra moments to compose herself. Tentatively, she reached out and picked up a small white and blue piece of china, her fingers almost shaking.

“You still have it,” she noted softly, offering him a somewhat watery smile. “My chipped cup.”

“Yes.” He hesitated, clearly fighting for his own composure. “There are many things in this shop, but this...this is the only thing I truly cherish.”

Belle clutched the cup to her chest, opening her mouth to offer forgiveness for his harsh words and apologies for her own actions, when he added, quietly but firmly, “And now you must leave.”

She jerked her eyes up away from the cup, his unexpected words ringing loudly in her ears, along with the clear pain behind them. “Wh..what?” Was it possible? Could he...could he not _want_ her?

“You must leave,” he continued, his voice growing stronger, “because despite what you believe...I’m still a monster.”

Belle felt her heart break in her chest. So much pain and self-loathing. Even after all this time, he still couldn’t believe anyone could love him. Of course.

“But don’t you see?” She gently set the cup down and reached out to him. “That’s exactly the reason I have to stay.”

He jerked slightly against her hand, looked down at her in clear surprise. He’d expected her to deny his beastly side, as she always had before. But not now. Not anymore.

“Belle___”

“No.” She touched a finger to his lips, silencing him. “I know there’s darkness in you. I know you’ve done horrible things in the past, and that you’ll probably continue to do things I can’t agree with. But that’s part and parcel of who you are, and I have to accept that. I’m not running again, and you’re not pushing me away. My fate, remember? My choice.” She leaned forward, her mouth a breath away from his. “And despite the darkness, despite the difficulty, I will always, _always_ choose you.”

“Belle.” He touched his forehead to hers, letting out a warm breath against her skin. “My love, my precious Belle.”

“That doesn’t make everything all right.” She pulled away ever so slightly, just enough to look him in the eye. “We still have a lot to work out. You lied to me. That can’t happen again.”

“I didn’t__” he began.

“Rumpelstiltskin.” Her voice was firm and brooked no argument. “You. Lied.”

She felt him tense, coiled for battle, but she refused to cower and eventually he lowered his eyes first. “Yes. Yes, I lied.” 

“You should have told me it was a promise you couldn’t keep. We could have talked about it, tried to determine _together_ what was best to be done. You can’t keep doing that if we’re going to be together.” She hesitated, realizing she was once again making assumptions about what was best for him, and her fear of only a moment ago resurfaced. “You...you _do_ want___”

“Yes,” he interrupted, voice intense and his eyes locked onto hers. “Oh yes, Belle. I want you, need you, don’t ever doubt it. When you left...” He paused, swallowing hard. “When I sent you away the first time, in the old world, it nearly killed me. Watching you walk away today...I couldn’t bear it if I lost you, Belle. Not again.”

“Then you won’t,” she promised, stroking his cheek gently. “But we have to be truthful, always, no matter what. I know you think I should be shielded from your darkness, but it can’t be that way. You have to give me all of you.” She took a deep breath. “Ad you can start with this. Why did you lie about Regina?”

Rumpelstiltskin pushed himself away, his agitation high. “ _She_ lied to _me_ , Belle! She let me believe you were dead, all this time! I could have helped you, could have _saved_ you!”

“I know.” She forced herself to remain calm. “Believe me, I know. I’m angry, too. All those years she stole from me...” She shook her head. “But what would revenge accomplish? It won’t give me back those years. It won’t give us more time together. Why not move on and begin again? Wouldn’t that be better for everyone?”

He slashed the air with his arm like a sword. “You don’t understand!” Anger and pain coated his words. “This power, _my_ power...the entire purpose was so that I’d never be weak! So I’d always be able to protect what’s mine.” He looked at her almost desperately. “She took you from me, Belle. I can’t just walk away from that, don’t you see?”

Belle hesitated, trying to follow his broken words. “Because...it would make you weak?”

“And I will _never_ be weak again,” he swore. “‘That’s what power means, Belle. That’s why I need it. So I will always, _always_ be strong enough to stand against my enemies, to punish anyone who would defy me.”

“And to protect the people you care about,” she prompted. “To make sure they never get taken away from you.”

“Yes. Exactly so.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry for deceiving you, but I’m not sorry for what I did to Regina, and I’d do it again.” He locked his eyes with hers. “I’d do worse if it could have saved you, Belle. I’ve _done_ worse.”

Belle nodded, a peaceful sort of understanding finally settling in her heart. Yes, he’d done worse. That was the point, wasn’t it? The heart of the entire matter. It was his past, always his past, that was holding him back. The things he’d done...and the people - or person - he’d done them for. With a small smile, she clasped his hands and led him back to the spinning wheel.

“The last time this happened,” she said quietly, sitting them both down, “the last time I went away and we both thought I wouldn’t come back, you promised me a story.” She looked him deeply in the eye. “I think it’s about time I heard that tale, don’t you?”

Rumpelstiltskin looked at her as though he’d never seen her before. “Belle, what___”

“Tell me about him,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “Tell me about the person you were so desperate to protect, the person for whom you needed such power. Tell me about the person who was taken from you.” She leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his cheek.

“Tell me about your son.”

“Oh, Belle.” He shook his head sadly. “So eager, already, for more proof that I truly am a monster?”

“No.” She touched their foreheads together. “More proof that you are who you are, and that I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

He shuddered at her words, but Belle refused to back down, and when he met her eyes again, they seemed clearer than she’d ever before known.

“Tell me,” Belle whispered.

And slowly, haltingly, but with growing conviction, he did.

It was a start. They could build from there.


End file.
